


train of thought

by borntomesmer



Category: Placebo (UK Band)
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, richey edwards is mentioned a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 03:34:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13650576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borntomesmer/pseuds/borntomesmer
Summary: Brian is scared.(Or the one where it's 1AM and Stefan's phone won't stop ringing)





	train of thought

**Author's Note:**

> i got bored in my art class and wrote this, it takes place in 1998. I just wrote the dialogue for this and i wanted to make it into an actual fic but i had no idea how to continue it so i’m just leaving it as it is. i’m really not proud of this so i might delete it later, i don’t know lmao but please leave a kudos/comment if you liked <3

“Hello?”

“It’s Brian…”

“You’ve called me 3 times in the past 5 minutes. It’s 1AM, are you okay?”

“I’m scared, Stef...”

“Of what?”

“Everything.”

“Hm?”

“The band. Our fame. It’s moving too fast. I don’t like it.”

“Brian, but you always said you wanted this…”

“I know…”

“So what’s the matter?”

“I don’t like being in the spotlight. All this exposure. It’s making me feel so self conscious.”

“Well that’s obvious, what else?”

“That’s it.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah.”

“We could always go back to playing at bars if you wanted. Anything to make you feel less stressed.”

“The damage is already done. They all think we’re the filthiest band in Britain now.”

“...Brian, is this about the magazine cover?”

“Yes…”

“It’ll be okay. It’s not that bad, just shits and giggles.”

“But everyone’s seen it, and now they think we’re just some crossdressing druggies who-”

“Don’t worry, please.”

“It’s really hard though”

“I know it is, Bri. But we can’t go back now.”

“That’s what bothers me.”

“We could always pull a Richey Edwards and disappear? Go live in Cambodia or something?”

“I thought they found him though?”

“No, I’m pretty sure he’s still missing.”

“Do you think he killed himself?”

“No, I think he just needed an escape.”

“I think he jumped. You don’t just leave everything behind like that if you’re planning on living.”

“But didn’t he take his passport and everything?”

“That doesn’t mean anything…”

“I’d like to think that he’s living somewhere in the middle of nowhere, and that he found happiness.”

“I’d like to think that too.”

“I just hope he’s in a better place.”

“Stef?”

“Yes, love?”

“I wanna be like Richey…”

“I’m sure many people do. I’d kill for his bone structure.”

“No, I mean I wanna go out the way he did.”

“Don’t go disappearing on me now, Brian.”

“I won’t… just a nice option to have if it ever got too much.”

“But you won’t be doing that, right?”

“No…”

“Can you promise me?”

“Sure.”

“Say my name is Brian Molko, I am 26 years old and I will not disappear at 27 like Richey did. Because I’m strong.”

“Oh Stef, now you’re doing too much…”

“I just want to make sure.”

“You heard me say I wouldn’t, didn’t you?”

“You know you lie sometimes Bri…”

“I’m telling the truth. Would I lie to you?”

“I guess not…”

“Then why won’t you trust me?”

“I do, I just… I worry about you Brian.”

“I know you do…”

“And I just want to make sure that you’re okay and safe.”

“I know, I’m just in a funk right now. I’ll get through it. I think.”

“That’s good to hear. Just call me if you need me please. I’ll drop anything to talk.”

“I’m really thankful for you, you know that?”

“I’m thankful for you too Brian.”

“Thanks for being there for me.”

“I’ll always be.”

“I should get to bed, it’s 2AM right now.”

“Me too.”

“Goodnight Stef.”

“Goodnight Brian. Love you.”

“Love you too. Night.”

…

“Brian, you said you would go to bed. It’s 3 right now.”

“The celebrity life is gonna kill me, Stef.”

“What do you mean? Are you okay? What happened?”

“I can’t survive this. It’s too much.”

“Brian, you’re scaring me…”

“Don’t be. I won’t do anything. I just don’t know if I can take any more of this.”

“You can do it though. You’ll get over this fear eventually.”

“I really don’t know if I can…”

“You can talk about it to me if you want.”

“I just… I don’t know what I’m even doing. I feel like I’m making a complete ass out of myself half of the time, and when I’m not doing that people think I’m some narcissistic bastard. I can never win them over.”

“But it’s not about winning them over. Do what you like and don’t pay attention to the people that don’t like it.”

“I know, it’s just hard-”

“Can I be completely honest with you, Brian?”

“Yes?”

“If you don’t wanna feel like you’re embarrassing yourself constantly then lay off the drugs. Seriously.”

“It’s not that easy though.”

“I know it isn’t. I’m going through the same thing. But you’ll never completely be in control of your own image unless you’re sober. Remember what David told us?”

“Yeah…”

“Just remember that.”

“I’m trying. But it’s so difficult.”

“If you want we can take a break off touring after the next 5 shows.”

“I don’t wanna let the fans down though…”

“They can wait. Take care of yourself.”

“It’s just like… any- any road I take I’m gonna disappoint someone? And I don’t like that?”

“Brian, please don’t cry…”

“I just wanna go back to being 8 years old in Luxembourg. I don’t wanna be an adult. I don’t wanna be in the spotlight. I want to be a kid again and not have to deal with this.”

“Just think, at least your father is out of the picture now.”

“I guess…”

“You’re better off now then you were then. Because the truth is, as much as you’re struggling at least you don’t have to sit there and endure abuse for hours on end. You left that situation, don’t think back on it.”

“You’re right…”

“And as much as you’re scared and nervous, you’ll always have so many people who love you and care about you. Remember that.”

“It doesn't feel like it sometimes.”

“I know. You just have to believe.”

“It’s hard believing when you don’t even believe in yourself.”

“Just think of all your fans. They love you so so much. They’d want you to believe in yourself.”

“I don’t wanna let them down…”

“I know you don’t. Just try your hardest. You’re worthy of love.”

“I’m trying, Stef. I really am.”

“I know. And you’re so strong for that.”

“I don’t think… I really don’t think I’m strong at all.”

“Even if you don’t think you are, I know you are.”

“Thanks.”

“Brian?” 

“Yes Stef?”

“Can you just promise me that you’ll be okay? I worry about you a lot nowadays.”

“I’ll try my hardest.”

“You got this, baby. You can do it.”

“Thanks for being there for me. I’m sorry if I annoyed you, I know it’s really late and-”

“You don’t have to apologize. You know I’ll drop anything to talk.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too Brian.”

“Always and forever?”

“Always and forever.”


End file.
